Prayer is Not a Good Idea

Yes, I'll bet I got your attention with that title, didn't I! I must confess that I borrowed this from Max Lucado but it has gotten me to thinking. Read on for the journey my head went on...

Someone says, "I think we should pray for Suzy's health." And someone else says, "That's a good idea."
Someone says, "Let's pray for safety before we leave." And someone else says, "That's a good idea."
Someone says, "We need to stop right now and pray for that need." And someone else says, "That's a good idea."

Okay so maybe I should say prayer is not just a good idea. It is a moral imperative. It is a holy respsonsibility. It is a life style.

Take a look at this graph. It shows how the average person spends the 24 hours we get each day. This may or may not be typical for you but let's think of it as just an average person. Where do you think prayer would be included in this model? In the 1.7 hours indicated as "Other" I presume. Some days I might fill that column but I will confess that some days, prayer would be just a sliver in that "Other" section. Where would you rate yourself?

The early church had a very different view of prayer than we sometimes do. The whole purpose of many of their "services" was dedicated solely to prayer. And they prayed earnestly. In Acts 12, we see the church meeting for the express purpose of praying for Peter who was imprisoned at the time. In verse 5 it says, "So Peter was kept in prison, but the church was earnestly praying to God for him."

So what does it mean to pray earnestly? The definition of earnest is "an intensely serious state of mind." Wow! How many of my prayers could be described as done in an intensely serious state of mind? And even if I was able to maintain this level of rigor, would it really make that much difference? Which brings me to my next question...

What if the fate of someone's life rested solely on my prayers? What if the answer to their difficulties depended entirely on how consistently and intensely I prayed? James 5:16b says, "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." Not many righteous men but a righteous man. We've got plenty of examples in the Bible to reinforce this idea too. Moses prayed on a mountain while the Isrealites defeated the Amalekites. Solomon prayed for wisdom so he could make decisions that affected people's lives. Paul's letters contain more requests for prayers than they do appeals for money. And then of course, there's Jesus--who prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and prayed.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 tells us to pray continually. So what does that look like? Let's go back to our graph. What if we placed an overlay of prayer over the top of it and stayed in a constant attitude of prayer? What if we pictured putting God on speaker phone so we could include him in every conversation, every decision, and every action all day long? What if prayer was not relegated to one little piece of the pie but was the pie.

Okay, so prayer is a good idea but it is so much more. Pray earnestly. Pray continually. Pray intensely. And see just what God will do with the prayers of a righteous man (or woman).

Unexplainable Connections

I had the strangest experience this week--one that I will never forget nor be able to entirely explain.

It started several years ago when we became a part of an organization called "International Friends." They match up American families with International students attending Missouri State University. We are charged to be a contact for these students to orient them to life in the States, include them in family events, and just generally be there if they need help navigating the American culture. We "adopted" a young man from China and one from Malaysia. We really enjoyed getting to know them and including them in our family. The young man from Malaysia has since moved on but Eric is still here going to school.

This past October, Eric's mom came to stay for a few months. Although her name looks like this, Li Juan Yu, I will refer to her as Li since my Chinese pronunciation was never the greatest. Li spoke virtually no English and we speak virtually no Chinese so needless to say, communication was stifled. Eric did his best to translate but being able to carry on a decent conversation was really not a possibility. Despite the language barrier, Li and I instantly connected. Hugs and smiles were pretty much our only mutual communication but amazingly, that was all we needed. We took them to the grocery store, out to eat, to Bass Pro, and included them in our extended family's Thanksgiving celebration. They had us over for dinner a couple of times for authentic Chinese food that was quite tasty even though we were not real sure what exactly we were eating. All in all, it was a very enriching experience for us.

This past week, John and I picked up Li and took her to the airport for her return flight home. Eric was in class so we had no translator. We helped her get checked in and before she went through security, our final goodbyes got very emotional. I am certain that a good portion of her emotion was based in having to leave her son here again but there was definitely some intense pain on both our parts. She cried, I cried, we clung to one another, waved and blew kisses... It was ridiculous! As we were driving back from the airport, it hit me that the only connection we had was our hearts. We were never able to share our thoughts and feelings with our mouths but we certainly managed to do it nonverbally.

The difficulty we had in saying goodbye made no sense under the circumstances. There was absolutely no reason for us to be so emotionally fragile. It was completely unexplainable but if you've been a Christian as long as I have, you begin to look for God's lessons in things that happen that are unexplainable. Sure enough. Here's what I realized. This past New Year's Eve, I printed off and charged our Sunday School class to meditate on the fruit of the spirit over this year. I decided to pick a couple of the "fruit" and concentrate on showing them more in my life this year. Guess which was the first one I picked--love. And since January 1st, this is the second time I have experienced a deep love for someone that defied logic. Both have also caused me deep pain but instead of regretting this pain, I have come to realize that it is the intensity of the emotion that proves the presence of the love.

A part of me is hesitant to continue putting myself into these situations. And then the Holy Spirit nudges me and reminds me of my New Year's commitment. And here's the question I have asked myself: If, at the end of my life, the depth of my love for God's people will be judged by how many times my heart was tender towards or was broken by someone, will the count be high or low? The last thing I want is to get to heaven and find out all the missed opportunities because I was afraid to open myself up. Here's to looking forward to next time my heart breaks for someone!

The Master Manipulators

If you ever need a lesson on how to manipulate people, your greatest source of information should first and foremost be a child. Preferably one under the age of 6. Most aren't fully aware that they are doing it but believe me, they are masters at it.

Take the classic "scene at the grocery store." Child wants candy, adult says no, child whines, adult says no, child kicks and screams, adult, out of embarrassment, tells the child if he will stop screaming he can have the candy. Ta-da! Mission accomplished. But he did what you asked...he stopped screaming, right? Congratulations. You've just been manipulated and you think he was being obedient. Point for the child.

Let's look at the old "but Mom, everybody dresses this way" ploy. Child wants clothes suitable for street walking. Adult says no. Child relates that all her friends are dressing this way. Adult says no way you're dressing that way. Child cries and says you are ruining her life. She'll lose all her friends, be made fun of, and will forever be scarred psychologically. Adult gives in because she wants her child to be popular and not have to deal with critical peers. Boom! Success. But watching your child suffer through social situations is so painful and we all want to try to protect them from that pain, right? Way to go. You've been manipulated and you think you're saving your child from embarrassment. Point to the child.

This one is my personal favorite. Child gets in trouble at school. Adult is upset and demands the child explain himself. Child swears it's not his fault, another child started it, the teacher hates him, everybody picks on him, he hates school, no one understands him, and on and on. Eventually adult begins to get defensive. How can everyone treat their child so badly? Adult stomps up to the school and demands to talk to the teacher...now! Or fires off a biting email that demands better treatment for their child. Or picks up the phone and rants to the secretary because they can't reach anyone who could actually shed some light on the incident. Yes! Child smugly brags to his friends how HE got the teacher in trouble. But you were just defending your child. Aren't we supposed to be their advocate? Good job. You've just been manipulated into totally forgetting about the bad behavior your child was involved in that got him in trouble in the first place.

In the child's defense, let's look at how this happens. When a baby is born, he cries--you feed him. He cries--you change his diaper. He cries--you pick him up and cuddle with him. Right from the start children learn that to get what you want (need), you must first get the adult's attention. It is critical that as infants that they feel secure in the meeting of their basic needs. Studies show that children whose needs are not met as infants exhibit unacceptable behavior in later years. So the manipulation of an adult's attention is natural, normal and healthy. But at some point in time, we suddenly (or so it may seem to the child) discontinue the immediate gratification of their desires. The word "no" becomes a frequent response from the adult in their life. What?? It worked for them when they were babies!

Parenting is not for the faint of heart. It's a twenty-four hour, 7 day a week, 365 days a year job that is usually thankless, often challenging, and frequently frustrating. Learning to navigate that fine line between meeting needs and creating boundaries is tricky at best, impossible at worst. So what is the solution? Here's my advice: 1) Trust your first instinct. If there is good reason to say no, say no and stick to it. If you can't find a good reason to say no, then say yes. 2) Don't make threats you are not willing to follow through. If you say that your child cannot go to the grocery store the next time you go, make arrangements to leave them at home. If you threaten to stop buying new clothes until she agrees to wear appropriate things, let her wear her old, outdated things. 3) Make sure you have all the facts. Sometimes children lie but most of the time, they are just telling you the facts from their perspective. There is always more than one side to every story. You can be supportive and still help your child see the whole picture. 4) Don't get emotional! Yes, that's easier said than done but if you stay calm, give the child choices (ones you can live with), and lead with your head and not your heart, you will find that children can and will be reasonable.

 

So, the next time you find yourself in a power struggle with your preschooler, elementary child or teenager, ask yourself, "Am I being manipulated?" If there is the slightest possibility that the answer could be yes, then you've probably already been had. Stay strong and ask for the Holy Spirit to guide you in this super tough career called parenthood.

Spiritual Warfare

I just looked at the dates on my blog and realized that I have only posted four times in the entire year of 2012. What a bad blogger I am! I knew I had been neglectful but hadn't realized just how much. I could probably come up with all kinds of excuses but the bottom line is that I don't blog just to be blogging. If I don't have something meaningful (or at least what I think is meaningful) to say, I don't write. And frankly, words with any meaning have been scarce for me so far this year.

I can't really give you a reason. I've not had a terrible year. I've not been overly stressed or, for that matter, overly busy. Busy, of course, but not tear-my-hair-out-meet-myself-coming-and-going busy. The fact of the matter is I've simply not been inspired...motivated...convicted...until today.

Today my heart is aching. Bleeding really. There are so many tragic, devastating, mind numbing situations going on with people I know. Co-workers with children whose lives have been forever changed because of freak accidents. A family member who is battling a permanent disability. Friends whose marriage is disintegrating. Children I am responsible for at school who are having to deal with incredibly tough home lives. I find my prayer time getting longer and longer as the list of people who desparately need intercessory prayer gets longer and longer.

And I wonder more and more every day why. Why doesn't God just fix each problem? Why doesn't He just intervene, perform a miracle, and move on?

Today, it hit me. Why doesn't He do what I think He should? Because that may not be what is best for that particular person or family. He may be working in their lives in ways I can't see or comprehend. He may have a much greater purpose in mind than my simple and finite brain can fathom. He sees the whole picture and not just the small piece. I am asking for my will to be done in their lives and not His because mine seemed far easier. Easy is rarely God's plan. Eternity is.

When I look back at the difficult times we have dealt with in our family, I can point to specific situations that absolutely and unequivocally changed our lives. Changed our family. Changed our outlook. Changed our relationship with God. What if God had listened to someone's prayer for us to make things easier? Where would we be?

Am I going to continue to pray for my friends and family? Of course. But I'm going to shift my emphasis from "fixing" the problem to spiritual growth through the problem. I am going to let my intercession become more focused on God's goals than my own.

Matthew 7:14 "But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few find it." (NLT)

Intimacy

 Intimacy. A word that Webster's defines as "marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity."

We can certainly love our children, parents, and friends but true intimacy is usually reserved for spouses or significant others. And I'm not talking just physical intimacy. I mean emotional, you-know-everything-about-me intimacy. I believe that God planned it that way. In fact, I believe that the relationship between Adam and Eve was patterned after the one He had with them before sin entered the world and spoiled it all. And God wholeheartedly desires to reestablish that closeness or else He wouldn't have sent Jesus.

Listen to the way David described his desire for this intimacy in Psalm 63:

"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands."

If you were to change the perspective and pretend you were saying these words to your spouse, the relationship would be unmistakable. Go ahead. Read it again, only this time substitute God for someone you are very close to.

Did you hear the intimacy? Most of us find it much easier to relate these emotions to an earthly partnership but what would happen if we transferred these feelings to our heavenly association? Jesus desperately wants to be our friend. He says so in John 15:15:

"I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you."

I was recently comforting a crying baby and was holding him up close to my face so I could talk softly to him. He eventually calmed down and I was able to put him down to continue playing. As I moved him away from my face, I realized that his tears were still on my cheek. What a perfect picture of the intimacy our God wants with us. He wants us to be so close that when we cry, we leave our tears on His face.

Now that's a relationship I can long for.

Between the Rains

Wow, it certainly has been a while since I posted on here! It seems that the drought we are experiencing right now in the weather has also affected my ability/desire to write. At least that's what I'm going to blame it on. I find myself looking at the weather radar every morning to see if there is even a blip on it that could result in some rain. I find myself watching the sky and hoping to find a cloud that might possibly turn gray and wet. I anxiously listen to the weather report, praying there might be a break in this hot, dry spell.

I recently finished leading a Bible study on James by Beth Moore and she uses the phrase "between the rains" that has intrigued me, especially in light of our current lack of much needed moisture. Beth's discussion is based on James 5:7 that says, "Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains." She makes the point that in their area, rain mainly came in the fall and spring and in between, they had to wait and trust that God would send the necessary precipitation at just the right time.

Applying it to our own lives, she points out that there are times when we can most assuredly feel the blessings of God raining down on us in a tangible way. There seems to be no doubt about His love and promises. But then there are the times between the rains where He seems far away. It may be our own sinfulness causing the rift or He may just be testing our faith but for whatever reason, there just seems to be a drought in our spiritual life. So, the question is, "What do we do between the rains?"

We have several choices but the most popular one, for me anyway, is to whine about it. "Why are you doing this to me Lord?" "What have I done to deserve this?" "Why are other people receiving all the blessings and I'm not?" These questions will inevitably lead me into self-pity, depression, and ultimately to bitterness and anger, all emotions that carry me farther away from God's desires for me.

Of course, there are better questions to ask, even if they are not quite as comfortable. "What sin do I need to get rid of in my life?" "What lessons are You trying to teach me?" Or better yet, "Praise your name, Lord, because You are faithful even in the dry spells." "I will rejoice in all situations, Lord." "Teach me to wait on You, Lord."

If we ask these hard questions and believe these unfailing promises, we can watch the skies for that one tiny cloud and know our rain is coming. No matter what our situations, there is one thing we can count on; If we remain faithful, God's blessings will come. And that's more reliable than any weather report!

Standin' on the corner in Winslow, Arizona

Oh yes, there really is a corner in Winslow, Arizona and I stood on it! There's even a flatbed Ford parked on the street beside it. (For those of you too young to have a clue what I'm talking about, listen to the Eagles song, Take It Easy.)

And what was I doing in Arizona, you ask? Well, we spent a week with the Navajo Trails Mission helping them get their ministry to the Navajo people going full swing. Each year during spring break, John and I go with the Christian Campus House from MSU (and 60-100 college students) on a mission trip somewhere. We have gone to Mexico, New Orleans, and this year to Arizona. Upon our return every year, I like to spend some time figuring out what God had to teach me through each unique experience. Here are this year's revelations:

The Little Painted Desert

On the way out there, we traveled through miles upon miles of the most barren country I think I have ever seen...and I'm from Kansas! But even in the barrenness, there was such beauty. Plateaus and mesas rising up from the red sand, snow covered mountains in the distance, gorgeous canyons, and mounds of lava rock that looked like they had just that day bubbled up from the depths of the earth.

What an awesome example of God's ability to take something so desolate and seemingly lifeless and turn it into a moment of pure speechlessness. That's point #1.

The day we got out there, they were experiencing one of their frequent wind storms, 60-100 mile an hour winds with nothing to stop it. The tent we were planning to stay in all week was completely flattened and between the high altitude, bucking the massive winds, and being pelted by sand and dirt, walking anywhere proved hazardous to my health.
 

Our tent after the wind storm

Which leads me to point #2. The power of that wind was so overwhelming and even in light of the destruction it could cause, I was reminded that God's power is so much greater. And since "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom..." Psalm 111:10, it would serve us all well to realize what God is capable of and how His great grace and mercy saves us from what we truly deserve.

And lastly...even though we've been to various locations since I have begun accompanying Christian Campus House on their Spring Break mission trips, there has always been one commonality--you work your backsides off! And the thing that impresses me the most each year is that the college students we take are 100% in to the work. They get up early, work every part of the day they are allowed, and go looking for more work if they get done with their assignments. And this doesn't seem to be an isolated group of kids because although we may have some of the same students for several years in a row, there are plenty of new faces every year. These young people are willing to give up their Spring Break (which typically involves lounging on a beach or just kicking back for a week) to work harder, get dirtier, and sweat more than most have done their whole lives.

It blows me away to see where they are in their spiritual maturity and see their genuine love for serving the Lord. And it's not just a facade they put on for a week. After spending almost 24 hours in a van with them, you hear and see the authenticity of their walk when things don't go as planned and they are asked to be inconvenienced and patient. So to point #3...if they stay as committed as they are in their lives right now, the future of the kingdom is in good hands.

I could do another whole blog on the plight of the Navajo people but will save that for another time. Suffice it to say that this year's mission experience was once again a success, not only in the amount of work we were able to get done for the Navajo Trails Mission but in the lessons learned, the awesomeness of God revealed, and the faith that was tested. To God be the glory!