He knows

So we went for my pre op appointment with my doctor yesterday and I love my surgeon but he is not a schmoozer. He doesn't sugar coat anything. He's a tell-it-like-it-is kind of guy. And I love that about him but his "risk factors" and "possible complications" woke me up at 3 am and wouldn't let me go back to sleep.

Nothing he said took me by surprise, except maybe when the 2-3 day hospital stay became a possible 3-4 day stay depending on how quickly I can manage the pain without a morphine drip. The risks from anesthesia, infection, and bleeding are pretty standard with any surgery. Even the fact that in normal hysterectomies you only worry about involving the bladder while mine could involve the liver, spleen, colon, stomach, and intestines really didn't surprise me either. So why was all this stuff rattling around in my head at 4 o'clock this morning? Because I'm human. I kept asking God to give me a peace about this and he was being unexplainably quiet. And then around 5am, He finally spoke. And do you know what he said?

"I know."

And not only "I know" but "I knew." He knew months ago when this tumor started growing. He knew years ago when my ob/gyn retired and they randomly assigned me another doctor in his office. He knew that this doctor was who I would need on May 6, 2014. I go for my pre-admit appointment at the hospital today and will meet with the anesthesiologist. God knows who it will be already. He knows the nurses who will be in the operating room. He knows who will be taking care of me in the recovery room. He knows.

I don't pretend to be the only one going through a rough time right now. I personally know many people who are facing difficulties in their lives. But here's what I would say to each and every one of you if I could talk with you face to face...He knows. He knows.