Finally!

Well, after five weeks of waiting patiently (and sometimes not so patiently), the day of surgery is upon me. In some ways, I can't believe it has been five weeks already and in some ways, it seems that this tumor and I have spent a lifetime together.

As I have been able to cross off line after line on my to-do list over the course of the last few days, I have found myself becoming more and more introspective. Really that's just a fancy way to say that I've become less and less concerned about the things going on around me and more focused on myself. This is a bad thing, right? What about putting others above myself, walking in humility, caring about the world I live in?

Yes, those things are all good and right but I have learned something these last few days about being selfish. There comes a time when introspection is not only good but necessary. Webster's defines introspection as "an examination of one's own thoughts or feelings." I have been glad that I took the time to journal the lessons that God has taught me through this situation but now the time has come to ask, "So what?" What am I going to do with these lessons? Will they just be something interesting or maybe even inspiring that others can read about?

So here's where the rubber meets the road. Where introspection meets action. What exactly will I do with these new found insights? That really is the question for all of us, isn't it? When God places trials and difficulties in our lives, what do we do with them? When we come through on the other side, do we wipe the sweat from our brows and say "Whew! Made it through that one" and then continue our life the same way as we did before?

I am spending today getting those last minute details taken care of but I find myself, at times, just sitting and contemplating. Several people have asked me if I am nervous or scared. Not really. Am I still waking up at 3am and not going back to sleep? Yes. But am I wringing my hands and pacing the floor worrying over what might happen. Absolutely not. I put God in the driver's seat weeks ago and I've really tried not to change seats with Him. He's a much better driver than I am.

There are so many people praying for me that I'm thinking the surgery tomorrow has to go off without a hitch because God is probably getting sick and tired of hearing my name. He's likely going to heal me quickly just to shut you people up! I do appreciate all the prayers and encouraging words. I believe that to be the only thing that has kept me moving forward these last five weeks. I'm going to be pretty quiet for the next few days but look forward to sharing "the rest of the story" when I am able to write again. If I try to do it while I'm still medicated, it could be an interesting read! Stay tuned!