Unfairness

How many times have we heard our kids cry, "That's not fair" to which we mothers inevitably reply, "Life's not fair"? That seems to be an appropriate response when the amount of candy or the biggest cookie is involved but what happens when real life issues seem so incredibly unfair?

I've recently had to come face to face with a situation that has caused me to take a serious look at this concept of fairness. It's a very long story which I won't bore you with but here it is in a nutshell:

One of the companies that my husband does work for (he's self-employed and works out of our basement) went bankrupt in 2009. Last summer we received a notice from the trustee for the bankruptcy saying they needed us to pay back $25,000 due to a law that prohibits companies from dumping money prior to declaring bankruptcy. Mind you, this was money he was paid for work he did. After hiring an attorney in Minnesota and months of trying to prove it was paid through "normal business practices," they refused our proof and have filed a judgment against us. We have had to settle with them for a lesser amount but taking into consideration the attorney fees, the judgment, and the penalty we will have to pay to take the money out of our small retirement account, we are getting out of this for a mere $10,000.

Throughout this whole process, my 10-year old self has repeatedly screamed, "NO FAIR!" And I have had to do some earnest soul searching to come to grips with it. Now you'd think that a woman who has pretty successfully dealt with the fact that her only daughter will never progress past the mental capacity of a 3 year old would have this issue of fairness all nailed down. I wish I could say that was true.

Somehow reconciling Laurie's handicap and God's involvement in it has been a whole lot easier than seeing any good that can come out of us paying all this money to a company who didn't manage their business well enough to stay afloat. It grieves me to admit that when it affects my pocketbook, my ability to accept this was God's will takes a serious hit.

My attempts to come to grips led me first to the dictionary which gave me this definition:
          unfair--not based on or behaving according to the principles of equality and justice
The word principles kept coming back to me and this question with it: Whose principles of equality and justice? If I use the world's principles, then I'm on a fast track to a slippery slope. Self-pity, entitlement, selfishness, and a host of other self absorbed emotions will pave the way and I might as well just pitch a tent and cop a squat at the bottom of that slope because I won't be climbing back up any time soon.

But what if we consider God's principles? Was it fair that Moses had to wander in the wilderness for 40 years because the Israelites couldn't get their act together? Was it fair that Job had to lose almost everything because of a bet God had with the Devil? Was it fair that so many of the disciples were martyred because they wouldn't denounce Christ? And of course, the ultimate in unfairness--the arrest, torture, and death of Jesus who was without sin. In each of these instances, God's principles were based on eternity and not the here and now. God's basis for equality and justice stands in direct opposition with the world's.

Have I figured out what God's eternal purpose is for us having to pay back money that was rightfully ours? No. But I believe He doesn't break His promises and here's what He showed me last week:

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. I Peter 1:6-7


My response to this perceived injustice will directly affect my faith...which is worth much more than $10,000.

Christmas from a New Perspective

Seeing Christmas through a child's eyes is really something special but this year, when we asked a group of first graders to make Christmas cards for the residents of the Missouri Hotel, one little guy's perspective was a bit different. His card said, "I wish you a Merry Christmas. I hope you don't die the next day." Before you start questioning this student's mental state, let me talk you through a first grader's thought process. For him, Jesus was born and then He died for our sins. The fact that there was 33 years in between is lost on a 7 year old. This take on the Christmas story has caused me to dig deeper into the "why" of the whole event. Let me try to explain.

This past summer, I began a Bible study by Beth Moore called "90 Days with Jesus." Because I don't usually do the study on weekends, it has taken me this long to finish the book and ironically, the crucifixion and resurrection came as I was getting ready for the holidays. Although the timing might seem off to you, our wise first grader's slant made it seem fitting to be studying His death while preparing to celebrate His birth.  It occurred to me that up until the time that Jesus came to earth to take on a physical form, God did not really know how it felt to live in an earthly body. For the first time from our perspective, He experienced humanity as He felt the prick of the straw, the coolness of the breeze on His skin, the scratchiness of the swaddling clothes.

And why this divine experiment? He came to feel everything we feel, face every temptation we face, suffer every pain we suffer. Imagine Jesus watching numerous crucifixions take place throughout His life, knowing that was His fate. He heard the screams of agony, saw the tortured faces and torn bodies. He knew the pain of smashing His finger with a hammer and could imagine how much worse crucifixion would be because He had firsthand knowledge of physical, human pain. Is it any wonder that He asked the Father to "take this cup from me" (Mark 14:36)?

And why did He go through with it? So He could be our advocate with the Father (I John 2:1). So He could feel, think, hear, smell, and touch everything we do. He was born so He could die. It's as simple as that. Sounds like our young scholar had it right after all.

Dangerous Prayers

Today I prayed a dangerous prayer. Surely you understand what I'm talking about. You know, when you pray "God give me patience" and then He gives you a situation that requires you to prove you're serious. Or when you pray "God help me not to be materialistic" and then He takes away some of your worldly possessions to see if you really mean it.

My dangerous prayer today involves Satan. In years past, I can point to a number of times when I knew the devil was trying to derail me from God's plan for my life. Whether it was physical or emotional, I eventually recognized the attacks for what they were and fought hard to resist his attempts to discourage me. God really taught me during those times to trust Him and lean on His strength and not my own. The Holy Spirit is much better at engaging in Satanic warfare than I am.

During my Bible study this morning, I realized that I have not experienced a direct attack for a long time (at least one I could identify as such). I'd love to pat myself on the back and say I'm stronger now and impervious to his attacks but I'm afraid the truth of the matter is much more frightening.

What if, instead of big major events, Satan is using the small, everyday things to lead me astray? What if apathy, laziness, and busyness have become his weapons of choice? What if the lack of attacks means he doesn't see me as a threat anymore? What if Satan has left me alone because I'm not really affecting the kingdom of God? Now that is truly a scary thought.

In a Bible study recently, the author of the book suggested that instead of praying "God bless me," we prayed "God inconvenience me." That is truly a dangerous prayer. But if we're not putting ourselves out there, ready and willing to be the Lord's hands and feet, Satan has nothing to worry about. As odd as it might sound, I hope I never get to the point where Satan doesn't care about me.

Do I enjoy Satanic attacks? Of course not. But I can rest in the knowledge that the closer I get to Jesus, the easier it is to allow Him to fight my battles. Peace is God's ultimate goal for our lives but I need to be cognizant of the line between sedentary spirituality and divine tranquility.

"The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you." Romans 16:20

Consider the Diamond

Let's talk about diamonds today. I have only owned two diamond rings in my life but both hold a pretty significant place in my life. Here's my story...

When John and I got married, we picked out my engagement ring together and although beauty was a factor, how much we could afford was a much bigger consideration. It was simple and small but I loved it. It spoke volumes to me since John has never been one to be real chatty when it comes to romance.

Fast forward 30 years and once again we were shopping for a ring but this time what we could afford was somewhat secondary to finding one that signified 30 years of commitment to one another. The problem was that John wanted a solitary diamond as big as we could afford and I wanted as many diamonds as we could afford but nothing big. As we trudged through jewelry store after jewelry store, I began to be concerned that this whole experience might lead to a divorce. Ironic, huh?

Then we found it. Five decent sized diamonds across the top with smaller ones on the sides satisfied both of our desires and since there are five people in our immediate family, it was the perfect representation of our union together. Whew! It looked like we might make it to 31 years after all!

We have now made it to 34 years and I must confess I find myself looking at my ring often. I am really not a materialistic person but there is something about this ring that fascinates me. Each time I look at it, I see something different. It sparkles in a variety of ways depending on the kind of light that hits it. Sometimes it looks a bit dull and I know it's time to have it cleaned. Looking at it from different angles brings out various aspects of its overall appearance; some good, some not so perfect.

You've probably got a good idea already where this is headed, right? Our love is like that diamond; multi-faceted, sometimes a little dull and sometimes very "sparkly," prone to its ups and downs depending on what our focus is, etc. Although I can easily relate this to my relationship with my husband, it doesn't take a huge leap in thinking to realize that I tend to treat my relationship with Jesus in much the same way.

When I look at my diamonds from different angles, it is me that is moving around, not the stones. They are constant. My perspective is what changes. Jesus is constant and immovable. If my passion for Him changes, it is me that has moved, not Him.

When my ring gets dull and dirty, it is because it gets subjected to whatever "ickiness" I put my hands in. It has no voice in choosing what it is exposed to. The "ickiness" in my life is completely my doing. The Holy Spirit must deal with it and it "dulls" my relationship with Him.

I could go on but you get the point. They say a diamond is a girl's best friend but I have to take exception to that statement. A ring can be lost, stolen or broken. That is never the case when you have Jesus as your best friend. He's so much better than gold, silver or diamonds.

"For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors." 1 Peter 1:18

Insignificance

As I sit here in my chair this morning, listening to the thunder roar outside, I am reminded of how very insignificant I am.

I'm not talking insignificant like "I'm not important." I'm talking about the smallness of my life compared to the bigness of the Lord. If I went outside right now and tried to stop the lightening from flashing or the thunder from sounding, it would not only be impossible but my insignificance could be punctuated by a very dangerous encounter with the force of nature.

Neither can I stop God's plan for my life. When I try to stop it with my arrogance, pride or stubbornness, I will most likely encounter a similarly dangerous situation. He will use whatever means He determines to convince me to go His direction. Sometimes that means I have to deal with not so pleasant consequences. Sometimes that means I have to make major changes in my way of thinking or doing things. Sometimes that means I have to humble myself and admit my mistakes. And those things are painful. Not as painful as a lightening strike but just as powerful.

I am glad I'm inside listening to the storm and not out there dealing with it on a physical basis. I can hide in my house and feel safe. But when the storms of my life interrupt the way I think things should be going, I have a much safer place to hide--in the arms of my Jesus who died and rose again so I can run to Him.

"Keep me as the apple of your eye, hide me in the shadow of your wings." Psalm 17:8

It's a Dog's Life

This weekend is the one year anniversary of our adoption of the newest member of the family, a dog named Jayda Lea. We're not entirely certain what breed she is or how old she is but she attached herself to John pretty much from day one. We have discovered over the course of this year that the care of a pet is a lot like caring for a child:

• You have to teach them the appropriate place to potty;
• If you don't pay enough attention to them, they are inclined to do something naughty to get that attention;
• If you want to leave for the weekend, you have to get someone to watch them or you could come back to a house that has been unfavorably redecorated;
• And, as is often times the case in adoption situations, they can come with a bit of baggage from their past. 

We don't know exactly what Jayda's background is but she came to us with the propensity to melt into  a shaking, whining basket case over the slightest noise or harsh tone. She is much better now but there are still times when something will trigger her defensive response and she will drop into a submissive position. Although she has never bitten anyone and aggression doesn't seem to be her reaction, we are not 100% certain of what she is capable of should she feel threatened.

Whether we like it or not, humans don't seem to be terribly different from my somewhat complex pet. Our pasts will affect our responses no matter how hard we try to separate the two. Good or bad, we are a product of the experiences we have been through as children, teenagers, and adults. We can try to deny them, forget them, swear not to let them impact our future, or, as is most popular today, use them as an excuse to justify our bad behavior.

From what I have studied in the Bible, we have but one choice when it comes to dealing with our past and the reactions it might provoke. We must be aware of how our personal history can taint our present perspective, filter our natural reaction through God's Word, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide us in our responses. We can't completely escape our background but we are not a slave to it either. At least not when we hand over our past to the Lord and let Him "work all things to the good." (Romans 8:28)

"...Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

The simple life

Labor Day. A day off from work, a day to catch up on things at home, a day to have some last summer fun, and today, a day for a revelation.

For those who don't know our family, we have a daughter, Laurie, who has special needs. Although her physical body has been on this earth for 32 years, her mental capacity hovers around the 2-3 year old mark most days. She lives in an independent supported living home but comes home every Sunday, every holiday, and one weekend a month. Except for Sunday afternoon trips to the neighborhood swimming pool, Laurie really doesn't care to go anywhere or do anything when she comes home. She just wants to "pway" (play). And quite often she wants me to participate in whatever she is interested in at the time.

"Mama, sit here" with a pat to the seat next to her clues me in that she needs my attention for a while. We can sit on the glider on the porch as she gives me a running one word commentary on what she sees outside. Or we can drag our lawn chairs out to the driveway and wave at all the cars that go by. Or a pat on the couch next to her means she wants to show me what is in the book or catalog she's looking at, "Wook, mama, wook." You might even find us swinging in the hammock, although balancing with someone who is usually in perpetual motion is tricky. And if you try to put her off or ignore her, she uses the strength of her adult body to change your mind. No matter where it is or for how long, it is always precious time, especially now that she's not living at home.

Now here's my revelation. I wonder how many times God has said to me, "Sharon, sit here" and I've not taken the time to listen. As cherished as my time is with Laurie, how much more should my time with the Lord be? Yet, when He has something to show me, or tell me, or just wants to spend time with me, do I pay attention? He longs for us to open His book so He can show us essential things but unlike Laurie, He will not force us to "sit here." We have to chose how we spend our time and whether we will pay attention.

1 Corinthians 1:27 says, "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." Once again, my supposedly weak minded daughter has taught me a valuable lesson. Sometimes just sitting may be the most important thing I will get done that day and the best investment of my time. Thanks, Laurie for showing me the way.